So yeah, I’m totally over blogging now. Obviously it has little to no actual value. Yet in the wise words of Geoff Lott “Famous isn't waiting for you, GET ON IT.” So this is me “getting on it.” I get on several things, but IT is usually the primary destination when I have decided that something needs to be gotten on. If you understand that last sentence I applaud you because I sure as hell don’t. See, this is what happens when somebody blogs with no actual purpose, a jumbled mess of words with no substance, hey that’s a lot like _______’s act, alright, easy now.
In the news department I am still apathetically plodding through school. I’m still getting decent grades even though I’ve put virtually no effort in this quarter. I think I’m able to put my brain into cruise control which consistently gets me 3.4’s, which is high enough that my parents don’t think I’m wasting their money yet low enough to ensure I won’t have to go to grad school (fingers crossed).
This quarter I have to take Spanish because it is a requirement. I highly doubt that in the business world being able to say “I like to eat apples” in broken Spanish is going to be absolutely necessary, but I don’t make the rules. The sad part is that taking a language reminds me of how little I now about the English language. I feel like we might have spent a week in Jr. High on verbs, adjectives ect and that is about it. I’m an English major and it is assumed that everybody knows correct syntax, what an adverb is, and how to avoid using the passive voice ect ect, but guess what UW, nobody knows this stuff, nobody. We basically ignored the technical aspects of writing in high school and college basically took that baton and ran with it. That upsets me.
I’m sure I’ve blogged about this before but I’m officially double majoring in Communication and English now. But have no fear people I don’t need your pity, I actually have some good news, and it has nothing to with car insurance (apologies). I assumed I’d have to do 5 whole years but I talked to counselors and I am going to be able to get everything done in 4. So that means I have to do a year less of school than I had initially planned. In a little more than a year I’ll be a college graduate and frankly that scares the hell out of me.
I vote that "Get On It" replaces Git-er-done as overused catchphrase of the decade. Get on it people, spread the word. |
It seems that in certain circles it is cool to not like sports. Hip people have much more important things to do than watch grown men chase after a ball. We get it, you’ve got shit to do and sports would simply cut into your productivity. I understand that and wish you the best in all your endeavors.
But I like sports, as uncool as it may be the Seahawks losing on Sunday will probably haunt me for a month. I can’t change this, Seattle sport teams will probably be stuck with me for life. I have even vainly tried to root for teams besides the Seahawks, Mariners, and Sonics but I simply can’t muster enough fake enthusiasm to care what these other teams do.
Because of this I have accepted that I will never be hip. Hip people don’t like sports, they like that indie band you haven’t heard of yet or that movie that isn’t getting the recognition that it deserves at Sundance, but not sports. And I’m ok with that. I’m ok being the fraud that wears Mariners socks while I watch foreign movies that don’t even have martial arts in them. I’m ok being the guy who checks the Mariners score on his cell phone during a plays intermission.
You see loyal reader, this is all about acceptance. And I have accepted that I’ve traded my potential hipness for a giant foam finger. If only the Mariners could pull off such a logical trade. |
So I am not advancing to the finals in the giggles contest, and that is ok by me. If you are dying to see the results go to seattlecomedy.net because I have already had to write out how the match ups went once.
All my sets went fine, people laughed and enjoyed themselves, I got several compliments after my sets. Unfortunately compliments don’t equal wins. I actually recorded every set of the weekend and I plan on posting some clips as soon as Myspace switches my profile to a music one. Until then you will just have to believe me that I did fine and that everything is ok.
Doing the contest has basically cemented an idea that has been in my head for a while now. The average crowd at Giggles has never and will never be my ideal demographic. I’m young and smart, and I don’t think it is a stretch of the imagination to say that my humor is somewhat young and smart. And to be frank the average Giggles audience is not young and smart. Keep in mind that this is not some casual observation either because I did the door there for nearly a year and I know who comes to Giggles and who doesn’t.
Even though the club is in the U-District college students generally don’t come to Giggles. The majority of the audience is over 30 and from Snohomish county. I grew up in Snohomish county so I am not going to say anything mean, but lets face it, that area of the state has some stereotypes and those stereotypes were not formed without reason.
So to all intelligent people who are that are reading this do me a favor and start going to some comedy shows (hey how about Comedy Night that starts Feb. 8th at the Mirabeau Room!). Seattle supports the arts. People support theatre, literary, and visual art here, but comedy goes unnoticed. I wouldn’t mind that changing because you can only do comedy in front of drunk people from Everett for so long.
Git-er-done Seattle, Git-er-done |
So I got in my first full blown car accident today. I was going down James street on my way to the Underground when this guy basically ran a red light and plowed into the side of my car. I have no idea how fast he was going but he was going fast enough that my car is banged up pretty good and I can still feel a little kink in my neck. It was weird because I had that brief moment where I was like this guy is going to hit me and I knew I couldn't do a thing about it. I always hear people say things like that but now I know what they were talking about. I was also pissed because I had a couple new jokes to do tonight. I stopped at the club and Carl offered to squeeze me in but I didn't feel up to the task at the time.
Not to further stereotypes or anything but it should be noted that the guy who hit me was Asian and barely spoke English.
I got all his info and made a claim so I still have to wait and see what happens. I will probably get a rental car for a few days so that may be fun. I was able to drive home but the car clearly should not be driven a bunch. The front left tire is probably a good 20 degrees off center. I'm no car wiz but I know that isn't good.
I had one witness who gave me a business card. Some other hoboish guys saw it too and when I got out of my car they were like "shit man, you just got hit." Yes sir you are correct, thank you for pointing out the obvious.
So yeah, I could have done without that, but now I feel tougher and more grizzled. King Kong ain't got nothing on me (name that movie). |
So the stereotypical crazy smelly guy sat by me on the bus today. I'd like to take a moment to thank Apple for making the IPOD because their product probably made this guy direct his crazy man observations to anybody who would listen to him instead of directing them specifically at me.
He was mumbling to himself the whole time and I had my IPOD turned up high enough that I really couldn't understand what he was saying. I did hear him say "wow we are just passing Jack in the Box." That seemed like a suitable landmark for a crazy guy to notice, although it would have been funny to me if he was like "wow we are just passing the Library" or "wow we are just passing the Student Cultural Awareness center."
Wait, what is that, you want another slightly entertaining antidote from my day? Well I'm glad you asked.
In my communication class today we spent the whole period listening to Eddie Izzard and finding out why he was funny. Of course we talked about boring com stuff too, but I was all over the why is this a joke part of the class. I could have been really condescending and been like "well actually we call that a tag line", but I held back. It was neat at the end of class the teacher was like "ok class what did we learn today" and in unison we all said "Transvestites are hilarious." I hope that is on the test. |
| » Who likes poetry!!!!! |
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Poetry has always gotten me through very hard times. Sometimes I will spend hours upon hours searching for the right word. Since I have become so close with you all I think it is time I share some of my poetry with you. You have no idea how hard this is for me to do.
An author is never supposed to reveal his true intentions
Some say to do so would be blasphemous
But I’ll tell you why I wrote this poem, fuck the conventions
I just want to see my name in print inside of a bus
Every time I read that poem I have to fight to hold the tears back
Jan. 8th, 2006 @ 11:11 pm
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| » Time to make my failure official |
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Ok so ever since I got in college is was always assumed that I would be a double major in English and Journalism. I declared English as my first major several quarters ago and I am now fairly close to completing all of the requirements. But recently I have decided that Journalism doesn't interest me enough, and I sure as hell don't want to be some reporter writing about traffic accidents or high school football games. The only reason I really wanted to be in Journalism is so I could write smart ass editorials and such, but oddly enough they don't have classes that would cater to those specific needs. So this quarter I am going to apply to Communications. Stop laughing I'm serious. I find the material interesting but I have always been hesitant to be in Communications ever since the one footed kicker from the Simpsons called it a "phony major". Also it had the reputation of being the frat filled, there is nothing else i want to do major, although as I said there is other stuff I could have done but I actually find the material interesting, it is not my fault that 100's of frat guys agree with me. So after applying to Communications this quarter I will officially be both an English and Communications major, which means that I will keep on hearing the question "what are you going to do with that" and i will keep on responding "I don't know" and as I respond I will be thinking "this comedy shit better work out".
Jan. 3rd, 2006 @ 03:09 pm
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| » A sad day for freedom |
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Well guess what, the man just keeps on holding me down. And by man I mean the people at Papa Johns. I have been told that I am not allowed to keep my beard because it symbolizes all that is wrong with America, poverty, drugs, hurricanes, you name it. It makes me feel like I'm a Beatle and everybody is complaining about my wild long hair. Hair on my face means that I am rude and have no respect for authority.
Oddly enough a goatee is allowed, as are my sideburns, so in reality it is not hair in general that makes me a wild angry youth, but a small section. My sideburns show no cause for alarm, nor does the hair directly beneath my mouth, but the hair between those areas, the hair on my cheek if you will, has anarchist intentions and despises the corporate world. That small patch of hair is what makes the difference between the sanity and a world with no rules.
I wonder how my sideburns feel about this, if they shun this rebellious hair just as my employer has, or maybe in a true act of tolerance they except the hair for who they are and what they stand for. That is a mystery that may never be solved.
Dec. 29th, 2005 @ 06:36 pm
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| » A fever that cowbell can't even cure |
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So I've had a pretty annoying fever the past couple of days, including Christmas. On Christmas my temperature was over 101 degrees, so yeah that was no fun. I'm still pretty sick although my fever has died down a bit. I know everybody is very worried about my health so have faith that I plan a full recovery. I've got a beard now, it's reddish, not sure what I think about that.
I guess I don't have much to write, just letting my faithful fans know why I've been MIA.
Dec. 27th, 2005 @ 05:16 pm
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| » A post script to my San Francisco trip |
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Ok, so on Monday after stopping in Oregon to visit family for Christmas I was finally on my way home. My trip hadn’t had any problems until I got to Tacoma. That was when my car remembered that it was made in 1988 and was a complete pile of shit, not just a pile of shit, a complete pile of shit, don’t question me I’m in a bad mood, there’s a difference. By this time I had driven over 1800 miles on my trip and was less than 30 from being home. I would have literally been home in a half hour.
I don’t know a lot about cars, but I heard some noises and knew my car would need to be towed. The key factors that contributed to this decision were large amount of smoke billowing from underneath my hood and the anti freeze that had conveniently emptied itself on the road.
I was actually past Tacoma, right by Wild Waves, but the tow truck guy towed my car into Tacoma. My car is still there and it will be done by tomorrow, apparently the timing belt broke, I’m not even going to pretend like I know what that is. I have a few masculine qualities, I like sports a lot, I’m not afraid of mud, but when it comes to cars I literally have no clue. My mom knows more about cars than me, and you know what I say more power to her.
One of these days I’d like to have a car that made in a year where I have some actual memories, say like in 1992 when I won that spelling bee. If I had a car that was made after 1992 I’m pretty sure my life would be near perfect.
I had asked for a week off from work for my trip and was expecting to work a lot when I got back, but when I checked my schedule on Monday I noticed that I am not working at all this week. That means I have no car and absolutely nothing to do until Christmas. So here is to sitting home and doing nothing. Since I have no reason or way to leave my house for a while I have decided to start growing a beard. Oh but why a beard Matt, they are ugly and look stupid? Because I fucking can, that’s why, what made you think you could start asking questions?
Dec. 21st, 2005 @ 04:21 pm
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